Happiness should come first.

It's about time for more liquid Vidodin, damn I hate that stuff. My mum tried some and she compared it to taking straight shots of Tequila. But that requires work to go get up and get it, as well as the cat's sitting on me and he hates being moved. Im ready to rip these stitches out of the back of my neck,this surgery is such a pain. I don't remember why I had this done in the first place.

Greg wants me to call his mom soon, and I guess explain to her why he wants to withdraw from UMBC. I know he does have a lot of reasons..
1. He doesn't feel like he fits in.
2. He doesn't like the dorms, he really doesn't like the dorms.
3. He's unhappy there, it's not as he planned it would be.
4. He's pay 15k a semester to sit around in his room, he can do that at home for free.
5. He doesn't like the campus and the way classes run.
6. He misses me.
7. He knows he doesn't want to be there, yet his parents won't listen to him.

That's a difficult place to be, to know that's what you want, but your parents won't respect that you know you don't want something in your life. I really don't know what will happen, in the end I just hope it's his choice. It's his college fund, besides, shouldn't happiness come first?

Don't trust guys. EVER.

For the past 4 hours, I've been in bed crying, throwing up anything in my stomach, crying more about how much pain I'm in or even more throwing up in pain. Why may some of you ask if you actually care? Because I had surgery, I have a 102 fever from this surgery, and If I don't stop throwing up I may break my stitches and possibly choke on my own blood till I pass out since I can't scream for help, I can't even talk.

Oh than, people who supposedly care about you, lie to you and make up stuff for 4 hours so they can go run off with there drinking room mate and party, while you're on the floor puking in pain. Than for four, not one, but FOUR! hours you try to get a hold of them. But they're too busy living up the college lifestyle to give a damn about you anymore. It doesn't matter to them anymore if you're throwing up or if you're alright, as long as they have the chance to go party with friends you puking is okay to them.

Why was I such an idiot to think Greg ever cared about me, all he cares about is himself and his college life. I made such a big mistake trusting him, possibly the biggest mistake in my entire life.

School is too big and unnessicary

Gah! My new High School is too big and unneeded. It's 3 floors, today I picked up Greg and we went to talk to my teachers about myself missing the first few days of their classes and it was so hard to find anything. I felt like a freshman, I'm supposed to be a junior, an upperclassman, not one of those young-ins.
After we finally tried talking to all my teachers we stopped at Wawa for some food, and for some reason my car would not drive in anything but reverse. Seeing as I'm not legally allowed to drive Greg, I was freaked for a little bit till I turned the car on and off and it worked, that would happen to me.

T-minus 2 days until my surgery, I talked about it with my coaches at cross country practice tonight, only good thing about it is I got out of running the one mile time trial tomorrow. I'm losing my fear of the surgery, and it's even more fear of Greg leaving for college soon. I can't imagine life without him here by my side. I need him..

I'm not ready for this to end.

School starts in just 4 days! It's shocking how summer has flown past us into these cooler fall days. School may not be starting for myself in a few days because of the surgery I'm having this Wednesday, but it's still amazes me how it's already cross country season.

I'm not ready for school to start. I'm not ready to have surgery. I'm not ready to watch that one special boy leave for college. I'm not ready for the nights of driving around blasting music with sunglasses on to end. I'm not ready to go back the loneliness I worry I'll feel at school this year. I'm not ready to watch him walk away and leave for college, not at all. I feel like such a child, I'm not ready for any of this. I dream of going off to college, driving to YouTube gatherings, Leaky con, that internship in the United Kingdom I've dreamed of since I was a little girl.

Fact is, the present summer nights of movies with Greg, Brooms Bloom trips with Holly, and pole vaulting into the pool at work with Jason are so comfortable. It's numb and content, watching the world pass by us while my world stands still. Sure, I want to grow up, but these summer days I hate to leave behind.