Cassie likes coffee :)

Pull it together Cassie

2009-11-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

I can not believe I forgot to turn in my AP English assignment today, I know I didn't have the class and with the Bellarion issues coming out it completely slipped my mind it was due, Fuck. I got so happy, both my AP classes had A's and I got an 87% on my test, that's incredible for me and here I go fucking it up.

I can't believe I forgot it, as of now my novel's behind at 19,000 words and swimming starts monday. I need to get my shit together, I've got an A in every class and I can't let that slip because I get too distracted by other things to remember little things like an EASY AP English assignment.

Poetry Slam shines on literary talents

2009-10-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

First draft, needs quite a bit of work.-

When asking Jason Taylor, the advisor of the Poetry Slam, how to describe the poetry slam for the newspaper, he said one word, “awesome.” On the October 15th, the first poetry slam of the year occurred in the Black Box Theater. The Poetry Slam consists of two parts, an open mic night and shortly after the actual “slam.” The slam is a spoken works poetry competition, in which students must recite their own work. A highly competitive competition as well, students will battle for the honor and glory of winning the poetry slam. The winner of the most recent Slam was senior Steve Gibson; second place went to junior Rachel Airey, and third place to junior Ryan Pisscatelli.

The slam is considered highly competitive just like any sport to students who participate in it, you will hear screaming, yelling, and any other emotion possible to display in speech. BAHS alumni Rachel Bond says, “It really is a battle for glory, it’s combat, it’s a fight, and it’s extremely competitive; it’s difficult to write, and especially to perform a slam poem. It contains rules just as other competitions, that it must be your own poem, it can’t be more than three minutes with a ten second break period, and that you can’t use props, fire, animals, etc. There are two rounds, and possibly an earlier elimination round varying on the number of entries into the slam.

In the audience, there will one timer and five judges. The timer will of course time each entry to see if they stay under the time limit; if the time limit is gone over, points will be deducted from your score. The judges are five randomly picked people in the audience given a blue binder with a number scale from 0.1-10.0. Based on each slammer’s poem, they will at the end raise the binder with the desired score. The final score for each slammer is made by subtracting the lowest score from the highest score and adding it together with the three middle scores, then averaging that number. A perfect score would be a thirty.

Before the slam begins, an open mic night is created on the spot with students performing raps, playing guitar, reading poetry, or singing a cappala. The audience will interact with each performer and yelling and commenting. One freshman student, Jordan Wilneer, came onto the stage saying, “so I have a Pokemon hat!” You’ll see the audience cheering, laughing, and holding an interaction with the current performer. Even during the actual slam, if the audience does not like a judge’s choice of a score they can boo them for a low score, and praise and cheer for a score they thought was correct. Justus Eapan created a rap for the open mic, while other students like Katie Procell will sing a cappela to the audience. Host Greg Klock, holds conversation with the audience as well and keeps the night flowing smoothly.

As slammers performed throughout the night, chills would overtake you from the power of each of these slammer’s pieces. “Yay for word nerds,” you would hear the audience yell. Though these students performing had talent and skill, as Rachel Airey performs her first poem chills ran throughout students from the intensity of it. The poem scores a 29.7, very close to a perfect score. Also, in the night you could laugh in amusement from how well some can speak, like Steve Gibson with a poem about Arizona that scored a 29.5. The slamming, screaming, laughter, joy, and chills continue on through the night in each students work, the poetry slam a great event to attend.

Lady GaGa in HCR and March for Equality

2009-10-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

So this past week, in Washington D.C. there have been so many awesome events supporting equality, with even Obama helping out. I myself, certainly believe everyone deserves equality and no one has the right to deny someone the rights to be happy. Lady GaGa this week, I could not be more proud of all I've seen her do in the week long events.

At the Human Right's Campaign Dinner, we see Barrack make a joke about opening for Lady GaGa, but our president is supporting equality, how great is that? Obama has made promises to help out the community and it's really nice to see someone making a stand in the political world.

You can also see Lady GaGa performing her rendition of Imagine at the HCR Dinner where thousands of activists were gathered for the rally march that was just yesterday.

Lastly, here is GaGa's awesome speech from the day of the rally. She's had so many speeches within the last 2 weeks supporting these events, and I couldn't be more happy to see the support these groups are getting. I know this is long to read through, but I'm a huge fun of GaGa firstly, and secondly a supporter of Human Rights. This week couldn't have gone better, I'm glad to see society starting to recognize equality, it's not just something people deserve, but a right.

React.

2009-09-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

I got really stressed out, and somehow this came out of it.

It feels like each day I wake up from dreams, and slip into the realm of sad realities. Watching the clock tick, for every hour of each day, wondering if the pain will subdue. It never does, It hasn't for weeks. Slowly I'll manage to pull myself from the safety in the blankets, and leave the peace of my dreams. Is this all a dream? I wish, but these old faded light blue Converses seem to say time is passing at an alarming rate. Where did the months go, all blurred into one mass of teardrops upon the piles of paperwork. It's all slowly building up. I still can't move from this warmth, this safety.

But like all good things, it must come to an end. This never felt so wrong, each muscle spasms with hopes to stay motionless. Trying to trance my body into a state of numbness, breathing in and out. I watch the light reflect over the worn down strings of that beautiful Ibanez guitar, bringing safety from within the madness. I've never been a godly person, but now would be the perfect time to start.

The clock reads 7:13. Where has the time gone, I should have left hours ago, but my body feels so numb. It feels safety. I need to awaken, and somehow find the strength to allow myself that everything will be okay. But I don't know.

I open my eyes, and look outside upon the City. It's a wreck, the ocean is colliding with safety of the City. It's the only home I've ever known, so why do I feel so alone? It's time to react. I pull myself from the wooden bed, the soft plaid covers and react.

So I hit a parked car XD

2009-09-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

I'm a junior in High School, I really shouldn't complain about being so stressed now when life's just going to get harder I'd imagine. Talking with Greg helped, but.. it's still an odd thing. But today, hugging him after he told me what he'd done, well, for the first time in awhile it felt right. I really don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

I know it's wrong I hit a parked car Saturday, god that was bad. So much stress, than come home freak out OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, freak out hysterically crying.. not good.

Hopefully my parents will let me drive to CCD tonight, but I wouldn't expect them to let me. But I really hope, I need to get in the car again to improve and make sure that mistake never happens again, it was while parking anyway. I wasn't actually on the road at least, and no insurance claims filled. The whole Greg thing is so confusing, I have no clue what I want anymore. I have no clue what I want to be, if we're meant to be together, and If I love him like he loves me. I hate this, I wish love was easier to solve.

This is all wrong

2009-09-19T10:49:00.001-07:00

None of this feels right.
Your arms around me don't feel like they belong there.
Your hand on the shy of my back doesn't belong there.
Every touch, hug, kiss, none of it feels right anymore.
This can't be love, not for me. This shouldn't be so stressful, it shouldn't feel so wrong. By wrong, I mean it feels like.. no, your arms shouldn't be there. It's not even someone else, it's just all wrong. Tension is rising enough for me being off my medicine, and I bet that is playing a big part in this. But I don't want to spent my life, taking pills just to feel alone. I can do that without pills, nothing else needed.

I don't know what's going on in my head at this point, nothing feels right. Just feels like a desire, that I enjoy the attention, maybe the lust of it all. I need to stay off the Zoloft, I don't want to go back even if I'm worse now. I'm off it, and I want to stay that way.

Time to go ask Mom for some wine, that always helps. I love my parents at times, the fact I can drink wine with my Mother is relaxing, it's like our little bonding time.

I want some white wine

2009-09-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

Today, school wasn't as bad as it usually was, I didn't go to my cross country meet today, had a low grade fever. This is the first day in weeks I've been home after school, it feels so weird. But this morning in homeroom, I brought in Mugglecast's "Harry Potter Should Have Died." Listening to everyone, debate these topics of the book, well made me feel like I can actually fit in sometimes. Ever since I stopped meds, it's been harder than ever. But, well, being alone isn't so bad, you get used to the feeling after so long. It's better than waking up everyday needing pills to function, well I still do.. I just need a few less.

I really miss the days before all this happened, years ago really. Maybe this year i'll try to include myself more, but I still see no point in it. One day maybe, I can wake up no fear at all, no medicene needed, one day maybe. But for now, I'm content with this feeling of being alone. Greg knows too, It must not be easy for him either, I know I mean everything to him, but that doesn't seem to effect me anymore.

Trig, Chemistry, Adv Drawing, a typical day. Lord, I need some white wine, always calms the nerves lately. Not a good habit, but it does help relax me.

Too shy for school musicals

2009-09-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

Since my last post, I've been so busy but at the same time so busy doing "nothing." By nothing, I mean playing guitar, listening to music, becoming obsessive over Lady GaGa's VMA Performance, looking into buying a digital grand piano.. and well.. basically putting aside homework and everything else.

First off, oh my, Lady GaGa has become like my idol, I adore her, I don't care what anyone says about her. Her outfits, well.. I wish I had her clothes, for starters I dislike pants.. and she doesn't wear pants much, works well. She killed it at the VMA's, watching the blood and her cry on stage like that, I just wish I could be like her. She worked so hard to get to where she's at.. and me? I'm too scared to try out for the bloody school musical.. been too scared since 6th grade. Maybe that's why I throw myself into playing music, it's isolation. But yeah, I look up to her, I remember looking at her quotes online.. "I don't want a Range Rover or Diamonds, I want your soul." Well, you certainly got me, I adore her. Her clothes, her performances, her attitude, I wish I could do that.. but instead I'm the girl too shy to audition for a school musical.

:(

2009-09-07T14:27:00.000-07:00

I don't even know how to write how I feel currently. Everything's spinning in my head and I have no clue what I want or need anymore. Maybe I should just ask this question? If someone says they truely love you.. yet they seem to hurt you so often through dumb choices, what do you do. I don't even know what's going on anymore, I just feel so broken apart I can't even tell.

It's just a mess. I needed to write something, needed to try to get some emotion out, to try to help myself.

I've got Chipotle!

2009-09-07T09:47:00.001-07:00

I hate AP classes, though I do have Chipotle right now. The school year just began for me last Thursday and I already feel behind on the work load. Let's just take a look here at the awesomeness that is my junior year schedule.

A1- Advanced Painting
A2- Journalism 3(Newspaper)
A3- AP Us History
A4- AP English 11

B1- Honors Chemistry
B2- Advanced Drawing
B3- Honors Trig
B4- FOT(Foundations of Tech.) A dumb required class to graduate.

In case the world of Harford County schedules don't make sense to you, we have A and B days, each with 4 classes everyday being 90minutes long. I like it alot better than those 7 classes everyday type schedules, I'm not a fan of daily classes.
Now sure, I do have alot of fun classes in there. Advanced drawing and painting, I'm really excited to have an advanced art class everyday this year. Also, being on the newspaper staff is exciting, it's alot of fun, I enjoy the whole world of journalism. It certainly is a topic I could possibly see myself going to college for if the whole "Premed" doesn't work out.

But yeah, between 2 college classes(AP,) running cross country and swimming, spending time with Greg<3, looking for a job for car payments, and just trying to have time to film, edit, read, and write in my free time it's going to be difficult this year. I'll needs lots of Chipotle and Rita's to get me through this year.

Happiness should come first.

2009-08-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

It's about time for more liquid Vidodin, damn I hate that stuff. My mum tried some and she compared it to taking straight shots of Tequila. But that requires work to go get up and get it, as well as the cat's sitting on me and he hates being moved. Im ready to rip these stitches out of the back of my neck,this surgery is such a pain. I don't remember why I had this done in the first place.

Greg wants me to call his mom soon, and I guess explain to her why he wants to withdraw from UMBC. I know he does have a lot of reasons..
1. He doesn't feel like he fits in.
2. He doesn't like the dorms, he really doesn't like the dorms.
3. He's unhappy there, it's not as he planned it would be.
4. He's pay 15k a semester to sit around in his room, he can do that at home for free.
5. He doesn't like the campus and the way classes run.
6. He misses me.
7. He knows he doesn't want to be there, yet his parents won't listen to him.

That's a difficult place to be, to know that's what you want, but your parents won't respect that you know you don't want something in your life. I really don't know what will happen, in the end I just hope it's his choice. It's his college fund, besides, shouldn't happiness come first?

Don't trust guys. EVER.

2009-08-28T12:07:00.001-07:00

For the past 4 hours, I've been in bed crying, throwing up anything in my stomach, crying more about how much pain I'm in or even more throwing up in pain. Why may some of you ask if you actually care? Because I had surgery, I have a 102 fever from this surgery, and If I don't stop throwing up I may break my stitches and possibly choke on my own blood till I pass out since I can't scream for help, I can't even talk.

Oh than, people who supposedly care about you, lie to you and make up stuff for 4 hours so they can go run off with there drinking room mate and party, while you're on the floor puking in pain. Than for four, not one, but FOUR! hours you try to get a hold of them. But they're too busy living up the college lifestyle to give a damn about you anymore. It doesn't matter to them anymore if you're throwing up or if you're alright, as long as they have the chance to go party with friends you puking is okay to them.

Why was I such an idiot to think Greg ever cared about me, all he cares about is himself and his college life. I made such a big mistake trusting him, possibly the biggest mistake in my entire life.

School is too big and unnessicary

2009-08-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Gah! My new High School is too big and unneeded. It's 3 floors, today I picked up Greg and we went to talk to my teachers about myself missing the first few days of their classes and it was so hard to find anything. I felt like a freshman, I'm supposed to be a junior, an upperclassman, not one of those young-ins.
After we finally tried talking to all my teachers we stopped at Wawa for some food, and for some reason my car would not drive in anything but reverse. Seeing as I'm not legally allowed to drive Greg, I was freaked for a little bit till I turned the car on and off and it worked, that would happen to me.

T-minus 2 days until my surgery, I talked about it with my coaches at cross country practice tonight, only good thing about it is I got out of running the one mile time trial tomorrow. I'm losing my fear of the surgery, and it's even more fear of Greg leaving for college soon. I can't imagine life without him here by my side. I need him..

I'm not ready for this to end.

2009-08-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

School starts in just 4 days! It's shocking how summer has flown past us into these cooler fall days. School may not be starting for myself in a few days because of the surgery I'm having this Wednesday, but it's still amazes me how it's already cross country season.

I'm not ready for school to start. I'm not ready to have surgery. I'm not ready to watch that one special boy leave for college. I'm not ready for the nights of driving around blasting music with sunglasses on to end. I'm not ready to go back the loneliness I worry I'll feel at school this year. I'm not ready to watch him walk away and leave for college, not at all. I feel like such a child, I'm not ready for any of this. I dream of going off to college, driving to YouTube gatherings, Leaky con, that internship in the United Kingdom I've dreamed of since I was a little girl.

Fact is, the present summer nights of movies with Greg, Brooms Bloom trips with Holly, and pole vaulting into the pool at work with Jason are so comfortable. It's numb and content, watching the world pass by us while my world stands still. Sure, I want to grow up, but these summer days I hate to leave behind.